See no Evil, Hear no Evil
I look at myself in the mirror in the morning as I brush my
teeth and I don’t see anything out of the ordinary. I guess I look like any person who’s just
woken up but the image does not provoke any rejection from me. A few minutes later I look at the same
reflection with my glasses on and yikes!
“Who is that old lady in the mirror?” I wonder. Ignorance was
bliss. Now I’m looking at myself as I am
now. Earlier I was looking at myself
with the image that is imprinted in my brain.
I looked pretty good there for a little while.
“Speak louder…I can’t hear you” I tell my daughter on the
phone wondering if we have a bad connection.
That same evening a friend who is watching TV with me tells me to turn
the volume a little higher because she can’t hear. I wonder what her problem is; I can certainly
hear my TV, which is a few feet away from us.
Then I realize that it may be that we are both starting to have hearing
difficulties, which manifests in the everyday things such as a phone
conversation or watching television.
I can hear the commercials because the volume seems to increase
for those, but then when it returns to the program and the voices dim a little
is when it becomes difficult as if someone is playing tricks with me.
A friend phones and we chatter along only interrupted by
lapses in memory, accompanied by profuse giggling. She’s telling me about a movie she just saw
last night. “What WAS her name?” She
ponders about the main character. “Oh
give me a minute and I’ll remember!” She says as she frantically searches for
the name on Google during our long distance call. Whatever would the over 60s
do without Google! “It’s Michelle Pfeiffer” she triumphantly announces. We
carry on and talk about something else until the next memory hurdle comes along. I can’t remember the name of a book I read a
couple of weeks ago. She can’t remember
the name of the little town that she visited in Italy only last month.
Sometimes, its words that I can’t seem to retrieve from my mental computer. My sister reminds me that she has an
extraordinary vocabulary and yet can’t seem to recall a specific word that she
needs to describe something. She can complete the most difficult crossword
puzzles and yet, when we’re chatting, her memory fails her.
And then it hits me.
These are pretty normal signs of aging unless one has an elephant’s
memory and will deteriorate in every other function except remembering
apparently trivial details of things past or try to be erudite and use a word
that we’ve stored in some safe place and can’t find. Happily for most of these
things, we have our trusty computers.
And you know what? It
is a good thing. I don’t need to see
every little thing clearly. Without
glasses, my image in the mirror is photo shopped! Yes, that’s right. I can see the outline of the curly hair which
once was dark and now is totally white and still full and way healthier. I cannot see any blemish or wrinkle on my
face and my lips still look plump and sexy specially when I apply lipstick
which I’ve done without a mirror for years.
If I need make up I can always put my glasses on for a little.
In terms of hearing I believe that the loss is to soften
words and emotions. Don’t scream at me, only I can decide what I want to hear. And as for remembering every little
thing…well, that’s not beneficial to my mental health. I remember every single joy and I can put to
rest the stuff that I don’t need to relive. I remember every detail of my
babies’ births. I remember my husband’s
face, his touch, his voice, his wisdom and his love. Those are the things that age cannot
erase. I can’t wait to get older and
totally forget the things that gave me pain and sadness in the past.
Don’t feel sorry for me.
I am meant to live a more introspective life and this way I can enjoy the
things that really matter, that I am meant to remember. Things that I do like to see, hear and enjoy. So stop shouting!
