Art By Elena

See no Evil, Hear no Evil

I look at myself in the mirror in the morning as I brush my teeth and I don’t see anything out of the ordinary.  I guess I look like any person who’s just woken up but the image does not provoke any rejection from me.  A few minutes later I look at the same reflection with my glasses on and yikes!  “Who is that old lady in the mirror?” I wonder. Ignorance was bliss.  Now I’m looking at myself as I am now.  Earlier I was looking at myself with the image that is imprinted in my brain.  I looked pretty good there for a little while.

“Speak louder…I can’t hear you” I tell my daughter on the phone wondering if we have a bad connection.  That same evening a friend who is watching TV with me tells me to turn the volume a little higher because she can’t hear.  I wonder what her problem is; I can certainly hear my TV, which is a few feet away from us.  Then I realize that it may be that we are both starting to have hearing difficulties, which manifests in the everyday things such as a phone conversation or watching television.  I can hear the commercials because the volume seems to increase for those, but then when it returns to the program and the voices dim a little is when it becomes difficult as if someone is playing tricks with me.

A friend phones and we chatter along only interrupted by lapses in memory, accompanied by profuse giggling.  She’s telling me about a movie she just saw last night. “What WAS her name?”  She ponders about the main character.  “Oh give me a minute and I’ll remember!” She says as she frantically searches for the name on Google during our long distance call. Whatever would the over 60s do without Google! “It’s Michelle Pfeiffer” she triumphantly announces. We carry on and talk about something else until the next memory hurdle comes along.  I can’t remember the name of a book I read a couple of weeks ago.  She can’t remember the name of the little town that she visited in Italy only last month. Sometimes, its words that I can’t seem to retrieve from my mental computer.  My sister reminds me that she has an extraordinary vocabulary and yet can’t seem to recall a specific word that she needs to describe something. She can complete the most difficult crossword puzzles and yet, when we’re chatting, her memory fails her.

And then it hits me.  These are pretty normal signs of aging unless one has an elephant’s memory and will deteriorate in every other function except remembering apparently trivial details of things past or try to be erudite and use a word that we’ve stored in some safe place and can’t find. Happily for most of these things, we have our trusty computers.

And you know what?  It is a good thing.  I don’t need to see every little thing clearly.  Without glasses, my image in the mirror is photo shopped!  Yes, that’s right.  I can see the outline of the curly hair which once was dark and now is totally white and still full and way healthier.  I cannot see any blemish or wrinkle on my face and my lips still look plump and sexy specially when I apply lipstick which I’ve done without a mirror for years.  If I need make up I can always put my glasses on for a little.

In terms of hearing I believe that the loss is to soften words and emotions.  Don’t scream at me,  only I can decide what I want to hear.  And as for remembering every little thing…well, that’s not beneficial to my mental health.  I remember every single joy and I can put to rest the stuff that I don’t need to relive. I remember every detail of my babies’ births.  I remember my husband’s face, his touch, his voice, his wisdom and his love.  Those are the things that age cannot erase.  I can’t wait to get older and totally forget the things that gave me pain and sadness in the past. 

Don’t feel sorry for me.  I am meant to live a more introspective life and this way I can enjoy the things that really matter, that  I am meant to remember. Things that I do like to see, hear and enjoy. So stop shouting!